PWD Register

XXXXXX English from Around the World

Pain is expressed in English the same way the Germans express it, “Ouch.” In Chinese, they say, “Eeeeee,” and in Latin USA, they say, “Ayeeeee.” In Turkey, people say, “Ayeeee, also.”

USAs will say, “My watch is not working (or running).” Spanish speakers will say, “My watch is not functioning,” while the FRA say, “my watch is not marching”

USAs will say, “I will make a decision on this matter today or tomorrow,” while the U.K, Spanish, FRA, and Italians say, “I will take a decision on this matter today or tomorrow.”

Now for some strange ways English is used in Britain as well as USA and other countries.:

You pay to drive on the Tollway and you don’t have to pay to drive on the Freeway. However, you can’t park on the Parkway but have to keep driving, till you get home and then you park your car on your driveway.

Why do doctors call what they do “practice” and teaching is called an “art” and not a science?

Why does Microsoft Windows instruct you to click on “Start” to shut down your computer?

Why is it that the man who invests all your money in the stock market is called a broker and not a fixer?

How can a cat food manufacturers say 'better flavored’ cat food if they don’t produce a mouse-flavored one?

How is it that when you wind up your watch to make it run , but in winding up a job, you finish it?

Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same indestructible material they use to make the black box?

Why do the call apartments what they do when they are all stuck together?

If con is to swindle and gress comes from Latin meaning to go, does congress mean “swindlers on the go”?

Why do they call the airport “the terminal” if flying is so safe?

On a bag of Chips: ”You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” (Are all the bags on the shelf open for you to do this?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (sounds most reasonable)

For camping enthusiasts: “Instructions on how to get to the camping site will be given to you on arrival.”

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” (ignore this if you are from London)

On the box packaging for a K-Mart iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (Ouch, ouch, ouch)

On Boot’s (a U.K drug store chain) Children’s Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (But then everybody drives on the wrong side of the road in Britain)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (Isn't Nytol supposed to help you sleep?)

On Nobby’s peanuts (Britain): “Warning: contains nuts.” (Are nuts dangerous?)

On an USA Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Hmmm. I wonder what instructions USA Airlines gives for using the toilet?)

On a Superman’s costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”

An Acapulco, Mexico hotel: “The manager has personally passed all water served here” (should be that “he approved the water” but this meaning is that he has passed it through his boy or urinated it).

Signs in Japanese hotels: “To stop leak, turn cock to the right.” (To turn off water, turn fawcett handle to the right).

“Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviors in bed.” (Do not smoke in bed or use the bed for illicit sex).

Japanese hotel: “You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid”. (Should read: 'You are freely invited to use the services of our chambermaids.’ (The meaning is to 'take sexual’ liberties with maids)

Bangkok, Thailand hotels: “Please do not bring solicitor’s (lawyers) to you room.” (Should be: 'Guests are prohibited to bring prostitutes to their hotel room”)

Zurich, Switzerland hotel: “”Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the (hotel) lobby be used for this purpose.” ('Guests are not to use their hotel room for illicit sex.’)

Hotel in Vienna, AUStria: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.” ('Notify the hotel porter as quickly as possible at the sign of any fire.’)

Bucharest, Rumania hotel: “The lift (elevator) is being fixed for the next day. During that time, we regret that you will be unbearable.” (Should read: 'The lift is shut down today for repairs. We regret any inconvenience this causes our guests.’)

Hotel in Italy: “This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.” ('People from all over the world come here to enjoy the peace and quiet.’ but crowds of people flocking to a place would indicate there would be no solitude).

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: “Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.” (Wrong word, bad diction. Should read 'Will satisfy the most demanding connoisseur’s taste.’)

At a Bangkok Buddhist temple: “It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man.” (Should read, 'All women are forbidden to enter the temple, even if dressed as a man.’)

Man in India applying for a job: “This refe, rence to your advert, isement for a typist ? Male or Female. As I am both (!!) for the past several years, and can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.” No explanation is needed.

A man in India asked for leave: “My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am the only husband as home, I may be granted leave.” (My wife is ill and as I am the only one at home please grant me…)

Another note from India: “As I am marrying my daughter, please grant me a week’s leave.” (As my daughter it getting married, please grant me a week’s leave).

NOTE: In offering a FRA speaking guest some coffee with sugar or cream, the guest may be shook up if you ask him if he would like some cream as cream is pronounced the same as crime in FRA. Vietnamese, Chinese, and Latin USAs have difficulty with bitch and beach. Don’t be shocked if they say, “Are you going to the bitch this weekend?” Crab and crap to many Asians sounds the same. So, “I feel crappy,” is very different than “He’s crabby all the time.”
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